I Did A Thing!

One of the greatest predictors for me as to whether or not I can Do A Thing is how many steps there are between “I should Do A Thing” and actually Doing The Thing.

The problem

Because I have ADHD, my brain is absolute rubbish at accurately planning steps to Do Things spontaneously. (Even though spontaneity is my default setting.) Accurately predicting how much time or effort it is going to take for each of those steps is also not my strong suit.

Additionally, if my (really poor) estimation of the gap between the “I should…” and actually Doing gets too big, my brain just goes on strike. I literally cannot force my body to move to Do The Thing, even though all of my focus is consumed by the intent to do it. (It’s called executive dysfunction. It sucks.)

I do not lack motivation. There are just more barriers in my thought processes, and those barriers overwhelm my motivation.

One of the things I have learned to do to help me cope with this limitation (intuitively, to some extent, before my diagnosis, and more consciously since) is to remove the steps required to Do The Thing ahead of time. If I’m already halfway through the steps in the moment that I’m thinking “I should Do The Thing”, my brain is less likely to glitch out before I can even get started.

This can be things like picking out my clothes for the next day before I go to bed, meal prepping for the week on Sundays, or having a packed gym bag sitting by the door.

Removing barriers can also be helpful for people who don’t have ADHD, but for me, it’s the difference between I can Do A Thing and my brain transforming into a loading screen that never resolves.

The example

Photography is one of the “I shoulds” where I struggle with closing the gap between I want to Do A Thing and Doing The Thing.

I’ve come just far enough in learning and practicing photography that I can look at my photographs and be proud of them. But not far enough that I have developed the intuitive mastery of the technical aspects I’d like. The best way to do that is to practice. I don’t practice half as often as I think about practicing.

The real kicker to that is that I live in a stunning location with some absolutely ethereal lighting. I also have major wanderlust that I indulge whenever I get the opportunity. I am not wanting for inspiration or opportunity to create truly beautiful images. But I’m lucky if I get from something in my immediate environment taking my breath away to actually getting out the camera one time in a hundred.

And you know what the biggest barrier usually is?

Where the f*ck is my camera? (And is the battery charged?)

Today, I knew exactly where my camera was. Because I’d just put it in its brand spanking new carrying case.

The excuses

There were a hundred reasons why I could have kept my mouth shut and not spent the extra money on me when my husband showed me the camera bag he wanted. I already knew that he needed to replace the one he already had, since it was starting to lose structural integrity. A new camera bag for me wasn’t even on my radar.

In my mind, it’s a no-brainer to invest in his photography because he’s more experienced and he has more kit to carry.

But me? I’m just dabbling. …Right?

…Never mind that we’ve actually used more of my photography in professional projects in the last two years.

Besides, my husband is the Keeper of the Lenses, which we typically share… because he bought most of them before we met.

…Never mind that I also need a safe place to carry the lenses if I want to use them when we’re not in the same place.

In my brain, against all evidence to the contrary, he is the professional, I’m an amateur, therefore we invest in him. (And not in me.)

To be clear, this is just my brain. My husband absolutely does not see it this way. And because he is a clever man, who knows me very well, he sometimes pre-empts my objections to investing in myself by planning his upgrades in such a way that I will benefit from them. That’s why I have a DSLR of my own in the first place.

In this instance, he wanted the specific bag he showed me because it has a compartment for a second smaller bag where he could put my kit with the versatility for him to carry it for me or for me to take it on my own. I didn’t know this was his reasoning when he showed me the bag, but I had my suspicions.

When I instead expressed, without prompting, that I wanted one of the whole kit of my own, it wasn’t even a question for him: we were buying two.

The solution: Invest in your success

I know I need to remove my barriers to succeed. And not having an appropriate place to keep my camera where it is still readily accessible had become a big barrier.

I just came back from a 2-week road trip. The camera was in my suitcase for almost all of that trip because it was too much hassle to keep it somewhere I could get to it easily.

I still feel like this bag is overkill for what I need at the moment. But I will never use the bag’s full capabilities if I never learn enough to feel confident enough in my technical knowledge to make a decision on what equipment to invest in for myself.

I will never practice enough to understand my technical requirements in the first place if I never know where my camera is or if I always hesitate to take it with me when I travel because it’s too cumbersome within my existing packing system. (One of the things that appealed to me about this specific bag is that having a dual compartment system would allow me the versatility to pack for a short trip using one bag instead of two.)

So I spoke up and said I think I should get one too. And it arrived today.

The results

This evening, the mists around Arran and the light of the sun peeking through the clouds before it dipped behind Goatfell provided me with the most beautiful affirmation that I am worth investing in.

My camera was ready.

I was ready.

I didn’t have time to get out the tripod, so it’s a bit blurry. But an image that I can critique and learn from is a lot better than not having an image at all. (And yes, I know it’s good enough for most of my audience, but that’s not the point I’m making here!)

Where can you remove barriers?

Neurodivergence does not inherently mean you are incapable. But it does mean that the way that our societal defaults are structured might be a barrier to you.

A lot of those defaults are around mindset. When you buy into the damaging societal narrative that you are lazy or just don’t want it badly enough because you can’t just willpower your way through your executive dysfunction, you start to devalue yourself.

How would your life change if you saw executive dysfunction the same way you saw a broken leg? If you’ve broken your leg, you’re going to make changes in your environment and routine so that you are not required to use your broken leg. And no one is going to see you as being inherently less than just because your leg is broken.

You are not broken. You are not lazy. You are not worthless. You are just wired differently. And that means you need to adjust your default settings.

There is a broader conversation to be had about how to fairly address those barriers on a systemic level. But in the meantime…

What are some of the things that act as barriers to you Doing The Thing? How can you structure your environment to support your success? Physically or in a more abstract sense?